Hi!

I will be starting to shoot a short film later this summer and I just wanted to get some feedback on my ideas so far. Feel free to be brutal and add/help me out with ideas!

Opening shot: Young girl (18-20 y/o) sleeping

cut to a shot of her sleeping in a forrest, barefoot, wearing an all white dress. She startles awake and begins to walk. She seems to be going somewhere with a purpose. (need some ideas to make this portion interesting) Later on we see a mark on a tree, she runs her fingers over it and it seems familiar. She then begins to start moving faster and throughout the film she has gotten progressively dirtier. The music then gets more suspenseful and then we see a tight shot of her face being glad, as though she has found what she is looking for. Next shot we cut back to her sleeping and a smile slowly trickles across her face. END

So what do you think? Is it boring? Is it stupid to leave what she is looking for up to the viewers imagination? Any ideas as to ways to make it more interesting? Any other criticism would be great.

Oh and btw it will be less than 5 minutes long.

Hi, just to start, i am defiantly not an expert film maker. It sounds like the story has potential to be an effective, thought provoking short. And i particular like the subtle smile as an ending. However, on first impression, i feel that leaving the audience completely in the dark about the back story may mean that they do not read anything into the plot and therefor wont connect with it as a film. I think it might be worth been a little more open about the secret event that she is remembering, eg ‘seems familiar’ could trigger a quick flashback from the event, maybe from different angles or from different perspectives. Just out of interest, do you have an idea in your head about what it is that has made her smile?