discomfort with labels

Recently someone was talking to me about FilmRadar and they referred to me as a film critic.  I immediately said, “OH NO I’m not a critic—-not at all!!!”  Admittedly, my tone was very defensive.  Then it left me wondering why I had such an immediate revulsion to that comment and specifically to the word “critic.”  By definition to be a critic means to criticize.  When I was in film school, I remember that the criticism was so painful.  It often left me feeling belittled and discouraged.  I felt as if I had no talent and no potential to ever develop any.  I have spoken with other people I went to school with who felt the same way.  I guess for anyone who is creative, encouragement or a positive word is much like oxygen. 

Sometimes people send me little fan e-mails about FilmRadar and often site certain movies they saw and enjoyed that were posted on the calendar, etc.  I actually save every one of these e-mails.  When I have a terrible day, these e-mails help me.  They remind me that my work is on some small level being enjoyed.  They give me hope to keep on keeping on.  I guess the label of “critic” carries with it (for me at least) some very negative connotations. 

Then in a separate conversation someone introduced me as a “historian”.  While I didn’t get annoyed by that, I demurred and said that I didn’t feel right with that label.  I always saw a historian as someone who had books and articles published and/or a Master’s or PHD.  I have a BA in Film and have done the historic cemetery tour at Hollywood Forever for 6 years now and been on TCM….but I don’t know that it makes me a historian. 

I guess I would describe myself as a film enthusiast or connoisseur or even aficionado.  I hate labels to be honest. 

Just don’t call me a critic!

First Comment:

1. I’m not totally sure what I am, either. I’m perfectly fine with the label “movie nerd”. After all, I have been a nerd in many other ways for a long time.

   Posted by Jack Maxfield on 07/24 at 06:09 PM